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The Dressage Riders Lament
 

The dressage seasons here again, the panics set in truly,
The discipline of winters work in summer turns unruly.
Exaggerated Christmas boasts melt into modest spring,
And confidence dissolves like snow as the bell begins to ring.
Heart in mouth and stomach tight were on the centre line,
Halt, salute, proceed again, yes, things are going fine.
Change the rein in medium, ah, that feels nice to me,
Now shoulder-in and circle and half-pass in from ‘B’.
Now into canter smoothly the single change is ‘through’,
Oh, let me get my tempi’s please, oh please, oh please God do.
Fours are over thank the lord, strong and very straight,
Pirouettes feel rather good, but the change is rather late.
Extended canter then the three’s, at last the centre line,
Half, salute, a smile and breathe, phew! the test was fine.
The class is over – scores are up, great scot, I’, near the bottom,
Perhaps the co-efficient’s wrong, or the scorers just forgot em.
I read the sheet quite avidly and add the marks again,
I cannot quite believe they are right, they are, dam, that’s a pain.
Wandering entry, crooked halt, I’m sure it felt quite straight,
Good grief! She’s only given me four, it felt more like an eight.
The medium trot felt good to me, she says it could be more,
I don’t believe it, look at that, she’s given another four.
The shoulder-in is lacking bend! With his muzzle on my knee?
Circle lacking balance, and she’s given me a three.
In half-pass quarters trailing, the bend could have been more,
I really don’t believe this another wretched four.
Above the bit in rein back! Rubbish! Saints alive!
His head was somewhere round his knees, oh well, she’s given it a five.
Head up into canter, changes not quite ‘through’,
My god, the woman must be mad, she’s only given me a two!
My pirouettes were really tight, but she does not agree,
She says they’re only circles and gives them both a three.
Half-pass left and flying change is one of my easier tricks,
But the judge is not at all impressed, no comment, just a six.
Extended canter straight and strong, the come back simply heaven,
Fairly good the lady says, at least she has given me a seven.
My centre line was really straight, my halt quite smooth at ‘G’,
Stepped back in halt the comment reads and I get another three.
If there’s any justice in this world, if there’s a god in heaven,
Please send a judge who’s capable of marking more than seven!!!
 

Penny Goring